hello from puerto rico!
just a quick note to let all my friends and family know about the blog i will be writing as a sail around the world with semester at sea: http://idunne.blogspot.com
i talked to logan and the rest of my family yesterday and today, and after we leave san juan tonight the internet will be my only means of communication. i'll be taking lots of pictures though. no superbowl on the ship, but the news that logan is back at home and just recieved a personalized autographed picture from the patriots' wes welker is good enough for me!
much love to all, ill see you when im back in may.
-izzy

Good Enough To Write

Hey Everyone, it's Logan
Now that I'm in my last week before my second round of treatment, I'm feeling the best I've felt in a while. It's great to hear from all of you, and even to see a few of you. All of your thoughts and prayers have really lifted my spirits and are helping me through the tough patches. I'm going back to Boston this Wednesday ( 1/23/08) and might be back home Saturday or Sunday.
Thanks again for all the support -Logan

healing happens

my response to this challenge for logan (and our family) has been, from the beginning, that something good will come of it. somehow, it was the only way to frame it, in my heart and out loud for logan, period. the outpouring of love and affection for logan manifests that belief for me. perhaps you have read in the comments that the 'periodic table of elements' at his alma mater, cape cod lighthouse charter school, became an impromptu shrine for logan's healing; then the students clamored to do something concrete, to send a box of goodies. now comes word that the cclcs student government is creating an ongoing project to help other cclcs alumni/students similarly challenged, extending this one response of compassion into the future, to help others as well... they call it "charter cares". this gratifies me beyond my wildest dreams. and we're just 4 weeks into our challenge.

on the medical front, there is fantastic news: the miBg scan done thursday in boston revealed no spread of neuroblastoma cells beyond the known 2 masses (the one large mass described before, and one smaller mass under his clavicle). a different, previous scan cleared his bones, this one cleared his bone marrow. his response to the first round, 5 days, of chemo was tricky, and our return home was delayed daily for 4 days until the doctors were sure he was stable and comfortable enough to return home late monday night. they say it will become more routine the more chemo rounds he experiences. he has lost more weight, but in time, when his appetite returns to that amazing rate we all know and love, that will be easy to get back.

i gave logan a buzz cut in anticipation of hair loss, but he hasn't lost anything else yet. once upon a time, before this introduction to cancer 101, i had felt badly for patients who lost their hair. now i see it as a positive sign that the chemo is working: if the fast-growing cells, as in hair, are falling out, well then the fast-growing cells of cancer are likewise being pummeled out of the way. right on.

the students both at cclcs and nauset high have been super: as i read the comments out loud to logan i love that his friends are mostly concerned with basketball and surfing and just returning things to normal. what a great coping mechanism... to live in the present. other acts of kindness include word from his freshman nauset high school basketball coach that logan's name will appear in the scoring book for all games this year; logan just wishes he could contribute points in those columns as well! on the home fronts, brian's sister sue and cousin denise helped clean his house and stock his fridge, and for logan's return to little pamet, friends kristina and rosa organized a top-to-bottom house cleaning/luncheon, with mary jo, michael p, erin and eileen rounding out the team and stocking the fridge with logan favorites.

the cards, gifts, food and acts of generous compassion have buoyed us all and keep us swimming strong in an ever changing sea of reality. thank you all for keeping him in your healing thoughts and prayers. onward~

homeward bound

hi everyone!
first i want to say thank you so much for all of the warm wishes and presents that have been sent my family's way in the past few weeks. logan loves the messages, cards, and visits, and i think they've really helped keep his spirits up. he is recovering pretty strongly from his first treatment, and after moving from ICU to the oncology floor, most of his IVs were taken out, so things got a little simpler. i visited him a few times this past week, and though he's sleepy a lot because of his medications, he perks right up when he has visitors. this past sunday, ty, logan, and i all played a game of madden 04 (a football video game) as the patriots, of course! we destroyed the jaguars in the match up so hopefully that bodes well for tonight's game; logan is obviously pumped to watch it.

so, for an update: logan is expected to come home from the hospital tomorrow. it was originally thought that he'd be coming home thursday, but the trip keeps getting pushed back because the doctors want to make sure they get the medications just right so he'll be comfortable while at home. he does need to go back into boston on wednesday for some sort of appointment, but then he'll be at home to recover for a few weeks before the next treatment starts. it seems (for now, you never know) that logan will come back from boston tomorrow.

we're really excited for him to be home, since he's been in boston for 2 and a half weeks. i'm sure he'll want to see as many visitors as he can, but we have to keep in mind that his recovery is what's most important. my parents are probably going to figure out a way to manage everything once logan's settled in. my mom has been unable to update the blog while in boston because the wireless internet at the hospital blocks social networks, but she will be updating more thoroughly in a day or two. for that reason logan has been unable to read all of the comments on this site personally, but we have all been telling him who's writing what, and i'm sure as soon as he feels up to it he'll be reading and writing on this blog all the time.

once again thank you for all your support! we are blessed to have family and friends like all of you.

the beginning of the journey, to date

now comes the news for which i feel little prepared. logan has been in the i.c.u. at children's hospital since christmas eve morning, with a cancerous mass growing in his kidney/adrenal/spleen area. there came a week of waiting, while medical teams attempted to bring blood pressure and pain under control to allow comprehensive tests. from the biopsy which was done monday december 31st, they say it is a neuroblastoma, 10 cm across, about the size of a large grapefruit. the mass is rather wrapped around alot of blood vessels so they can't cut it out first thing; it looks like there will be 5 rounds of chemo to shrink it first, then surgery, then 2 more rounds of heavier chemo (with stem cells extracted earlier replenished after the chemo), then radiation. we met with the oncology team on thursday, january 3rd to hear more details, like his possible inclusion in a research study which adds a T cell infusion near the end of treatment. it is a testament to his stamina and strength that he managed as well as he did in december when the symptoms were rapidly developing, keeping up with schoolwork and basketball.

amazingly, one of logan's biggest concerns in all this is not the medical treatment and recovery, but that he wants to keep up with his schoolwork as best he can. i explained that repeating freshman year is an option, and that his transcript for college would explain it was for medical reasons, as his guidance counselor explained to me. however, he wants to graduate with his class. when tutoring is available, when recovery from chemo allows him, he wants to master his material. while my concerns were all about procedures and recovery, his are about schoolwork, and getting active again. he has recovered from severe injury before (remember the cerebral hematoma in 5th grade, and the metal plate in his skull now) and is a strong, otherwise healthy and enthusiastic young man. he seems certain of the healing and is already looking ahead to normal concerns that teenagers have.

i am so grateful he is in the best hands, and that he is a fighter. while the first 12 days were all about managing the high blood pressure and intense pain caused by this mass pressing against his organs, he did refuse morphine so he could watch the patriots win their 16th history-making record setting win, without falling asleep. at one point earlier in the week i was ready to cry after talking to a gaggle of oncologists and surgeons; logan intuitively took my hand and profoundly said 'we just have to trust them, mama.' he also said we just had to trust the patriots when they were down by 12 in the 4th quarter that night. this is why i am strong: because he is, and because i have to be, for him.

friday, january 4, logan had a double line broviac catheter implanted in his chest, which will preclude the need for IV's in his arms. it is semi-permanent, allowing chemo and medications to flow into a major blood vessel, and for blood to be removed from his body. surfing and swimming are not an option with this line, but it does make one heck of a body piercing ornament, as isadora points out. this past weekend he received the first round of chemo.

sunday, after the first overnight infusion, he felt remarkably better, further enhanced by weekend visits from classmates lily, peter and chloe. sister clementine brought a bag of handmade cards from dozens of classmates, and i saw logan laughing for the first time in a long time. the visits, the cards and the love sent logan's way are truly big medicine. that, and the sense that the journey to recovery has now begun, makes the new year suddenly feel full of hope and promise.
~kim